New awareness

Last night I had a long talk with myself and my wife. I think I was finally able to put my finger on some things and explain how I'm feeling about the race this year. I was trying to figure out what I could do differently to prepare this year and I really don't think there is anything. Fitness hasn't been the issue for me. It's not a question of IF the dark moments are going to come but WHEN. Now that I've seen them tenfold I guess my different preparation needs to be how to address them when they do present themselves b/c I simply can't ride, visualize, or meditate more than I do. I can't afford to make knee jerk decisions. I've always been able to think clearly in times of stress or when weather is an issue. I have to be able to do the same when I'm tired, thirsty, or hungry. I also have to always remember what happens to my body and head when I do get dehydrated or when I don't keep the calories coming in. The other thing that I am going to do differently this year is have several rewards along the way that will remain buried in the pack until they've been earned. One of those will come at the end of that first day if I can get to where I want to be. Another one will for sure come out after the dreaded Sargents Mesa. There's gonna have to be a big one after the exposed high altitude sections in 22 and 23. I feel much better this morning.