Monday, June 8, 2009

What a night last night was. I won't go into detail and you're welcome. I got up this morning and my doctor actually called to see if I wanted to come in early. I ran down. We got there and I was more than a bit nervous. I do not like being put under at all. It's very nerve wracking. Anyway...the folks at the office were wonderful and I can't thank them enough. Funny story and I waited to tell this but when I originally scheduled this procedure I, again, did my normal protocol and searched for an Asian doctor that was female. My general practitioner is a small Asian woman. There's a reason for this and I hope I don't offend anyone here. I have always known that there would eventually be a point and time when a doctor would have to either do a prostate exam or actually be more invasive. Personally, when this time comes up I do not want a doctor that is male. Nothing against males and it's not a homosexual thing at all. Dudes have bigger hands. I don't want some guy with big hands that cracks his knuckles all day long to be doing any.......inserting in that area. A doctor that can palm a basketball is no doctor of mine. Think about it.

So...I originally scheduled this procedure with a doctor that I did some research on (height, general demeanor, glove size, etc.). She came highly recommended. When I confirmed the name of the doctor I knew I had a ringer. Dr. Hor. Yes that's correct. I scheduled an appointment for Dr. Hor to go up my bottom. Unfortunately, Dr. Hor had to go on vacation and since I wanted to get this thing done I decided to go with a guy (I know) named Dr. G G. I like that name. Super nice guy....not the kind of guy that wears class rings but he's proud of his accomplishments. When i shook his hand I was pleased. Nice firm shake but not overboard with the pumps. Just enough to let me know he had confidence.

The whole process took about 20 minutes I guess and I can't recall a thing other than him saying, "The lights should be going out pret........". They did find a polyp (but not my dignity) and removed that so that's good I guess. Now...for anyone who's ever had a colonoscopy (my brother's in arms....or rears) you know the wake up procedure. There's only one way to expel all that gas they've put into your colon. I want you to imagine the symphony of sounds from a recovery room where there were probably a good half dozen patients all in various stages of recovery. It was comical being so competitive....I wanted to out do my neighbor but there was a lot of initial stage fright. Oddly enough...with the window cracked open on the way home...there was a strange whistling noise that I think was from my butt. I'm home now and I'm tired. I already wolfed down a 5 dolla foot long, chips, and 3 cookies. Right now I'm having the best damn cup of coffee I think I've ever had. Tonight I'm planning on throwing down with the food. can expect your video just as soon as I get it uploaded.


Craig said...


Top 5 post there, buddy... brought tears to my eyes.

I'm reading about 20 posts I've missed due to work silliness. Yes, everything in life can be related to a Seinfeld episode.

Good luck with the training.

Heading out for a weekend with Ethan in the Ozarks. Do you hear the banjos?


Chris said...

Hey Craig!!

Nice to see you're still checking in. Sometimes jobs are nothing but work.

I used to love the Ozarks. Hope you guys have fun. I think hearing the banjos is ok. It's when you STOP hearing the banjos that you know the persons playing them are now doing something else.