Sunday, June 7, 2009

So I had a decent amount of beer last night to prepare for today. It didn't help at all. Today I can only have clear things. So far I've had a bit of chicken broth. Let me tell you something. We've all had chicken broth. Campbell's CB is not to be taken lightly and I will never scoff at it again. Heather picked up some organic CB from Whole Foods. It's gotta be close to drinking mucked up pond water. I have also had a bit of water. It's really hard to throw down the water when you know what's coming. I'm hoping that having less water in my system will minimize my bathroom time this evening. The highlight of my day was when I drank about half a Sprite. It was like the nectar from the gods.

At exactly 3 oclock, I took 2 innocent looking little pills and laid down for a nap so I would maybe stop thinking about food. At precisely 7 oclock I woke up to a thunder from down under that I can't even begin to describe. I made a dash for the bathroom that far surpassed anything that Mike Weiss used to do back at the old days at 6606 Delmar after a night of raising the roof at one of the various loop locations with throngs of FOM's. I cannot begin to describe the events that unfolded in that bathroom. However, I would like to offer a public apology to the folks of Woodland Park for what is currently moving through the towns pipes. I'd also like to apologize in advance to my toilet for what it's about to go through.

Right now I am sitting here drinking the magical elixir that will occupy my evening. I must admit I was a bit shocked when I removed the plastic drinking bottle from the box I received from the Walgreens pharmacy. It looks like something that anti-freeze comes in. However, I did get a bit excited when I realized there was 4 different flavors of drink that I would have to work through. Pineapple, orange, cherry, and strawberry. I decided to go with pineapple first for no particular reason. I gagged and wretched with the first drink. Filthy ass mop water has got to taste better. Then I read the directions. Oh dear lord. I have to drink 8 oz. of this every 10 minutes. I'm far off the pace. This stuff makes the solution you drink before a CAT scan seem like a delicacy.

So sorry if I seem cranky. I am.

OK...gotta go. Literally.

No comments: